Friday, July 31, 2009

Marilyn Van Derbur Bravely Shares Her Difficult Past

The Darkest Secret

By Marilyn Van Derbur Atler

Former Miss America Marilyn Van Derbur Bravely Shares Her Difficult Past. Behind the Facade of a 'Perfect' Family, Her Father Committed An Unspeakable Crime: Incest.

"My father was a handsome, intelligent man," recalls Marilyn Van Derbur. "He served as president of the Denver Area Boy Scout Council and helped establish Denver's Cleo Wallace Village for Handicapped Children. But there was another—secret—side to him. From the time I was 5 until I was 18 and moved away to college, my father sexually violated me."

Even in an age when public confessions are commonplace, Marilyn Van Derbur's has the power to shock. The crime is repulsive almost beyond words; the people involved, as in a Greek tragedy, are larger than life. Francis S. Van Derbur, the father, was a millionaire socialite and a pillar of the Denver community; Marilyn, the youngest of his four daughters, was a golden-haired beauty, a straight-A student and an AAU swimming champ. In 1957, when she was 20, her predecessor, Marian Ann McKnight, would crown her Miss America in Atlantic City.

"We had all the trappings of a perfect family, " Marilyn says now. "Wealth, social status, a handsome father and lovely mother." So perfect was the illusion, in fact, that Marilyn completely repressed any knowledge of sexual violation by her father until she was 24, when D.D. Harvey, former youth minister at her Presbyterian church in Denver, broke down her guard. She shared her painful secret with her husband-to-be, attorney Larry Atler, now 56, and with her eldest sister, Gwen, 59, who revealed that she too had been victimized. (Sisters Nancy, 55, and Valerie, 57, have not commented.) Still, Marilyn's experience continued to haunt her, causing her emotionally rooted bouts of lethargy, physical paralysis and finally an anxiety so crushing that in 1984 her career as a motivational speaker came to a complete halt.

Since then, with the help of a number of therapists, she has found the courage to talk with her mother, Gwendolyn, about the incest (see box, page 92) and, more recently, with the world. On May 8, after two years of working with Denver's Kempe National Center for Prevention and Treatment for Child Abuse and Neglect, Marilyn told an audience of 35 the grimly inspiring story of what she calls "the greatest accomplishment of my life—surviving incest." Her address was frequently interrupted by applause. At her luxurious Denver ranch-style house, she talked to correspondent Vickie Bane about her struggle to survive.

PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DIDN'T TELL what was happening to me. It was because I perceived no way out. A young child tells on her father and what happens? She's taken away from her family. Her father goes to jail. The family is destroyed, and the message is, "It's all your fault."

In order to survive, I split into a day child, who giggled and smiled, and a night child, who lay awake in a fetal position, only to be pried apart by my father. Until I was 24, the day child had no conscious knowledge of the night child. During the day, no embarrassing or angry glances ever passed between my father and me. I had no rage toward him at all, because I had no conscious knowledge of what he was doing to me. Anyone who knew me would say I was the happiest child. I believed I was happy.

Still, incest colored every aspect of my life. I couldn't stand to play with dolls. Nor did I like to be touched or hugged. I also had a need to excel, to have some control over my life. I was an AAU swimmer, a skier and a golfer. I got straight A's in school. Afternoons I volunteered to work at the Wallace Village for Handicapped Children. I was drawn to children who were different.

Incest is an isolating experience. You feel all alone. You feel isolated from your family and your friends. I did date, but my first real boyfriend was Larry. I was 15, a sophomore in high school, and he was a senior. He tapped into a warm, funny side of me that my family had never seen. I loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him. I was safe with Larry.

After graduating from high school in 1955, I enrolled at the University of Colorado. I went home for Christmas vacation, and one night I went into my parents' bedroom to say goodnight. My father pulled me down to him. I pushed away from him with such anger. That was the day child reacting, still without knowledge of the night child. He never violated me again.

During my sophomore year, my sorority sisters elected me as their representative to be Miss CU. I won that title and then the Miss Colorado title. Then I had to go to Atlantic City to compete for Miss America. It never entered my head that I would win. But once I did, I wanted to be the best Miss America ever. Every single day I did the best possible job of whatever I was asked to do. It was not uncommon to have more than 20 appointments in one day.

When my term as Miss America was up, I returned to Colorado to complete my education. That same year I was hired by AT&T as the only spokeswoman for their commercials on the Bell Telephone Hour, a bi-weekly showcase for fine music on NBC. I had that job for five years, the last three after I graduated Phi Beta Kappa and was living in New York City. In 1962, when I was 24, I took a trip to Los Angeles for a filming. One day I had lunch with D.D. Harvey, my former youth minister. With words I don't remember, he punctured the wall I had built around the secret, and I began to sob. The only words I was able to say were, "Don't tell anyone." He said, "Whom don't you want me to tell?" and I said, "Larry." D.D. said, "Then he's the only person we have to tell."

I had loved Larry with all my heart for nine years, but I kept running from him without understanding why. In 1961 I even went so far as to marry someone else, a former CU football player. The marriage lasted only three months. I hadn't seen Larry, who had gone to college in Virginia and law school in Denver, since the divorce, but at D.D.'s urging I called him. Larry flew to L.A. the next morning. I sobbed and sobbed, but eventually I got the words out. When Larry finally heard what I was telling him, he held me and said, "Now I understand everything." A week later I visited my sister Gwen in Kansas City and revealed my secret to her too. I remember seeing the blood drain from her face. She said, "Oh, no. I thought I was the only one."

Larry and I dated for two years more, as I struggled to allow myself to trust and to love. I was frightened of marriage. Finally he said, "Why don't we try being married for a week or two, and then if you want to leave, that's okay." Our wedding was on Feb. 14, 1964, in a mountain lodge in Colorado.

After all those years of trying not to feel anything, I thought marriage would be difficult. But I never had a problem with Larry. During our first sexual experience, he made me laugh. I couldn't believe that it was possible to have fun. We bought a house in Denver. With the experience I gained as a Miss America spokeswoman, I started the Marilyn Van Derbur Motivational Institute. I kept up a frantic pace, speaking to employees of IBM and Kodak and to high school assemblies about how to give the best of yourself.

I wanted a baby so much, but Larry and I had been told we couldn't have children. Then eight years after we married, I got pregnant. In the delivery room I was told that the baby was in a difficult breech position. I had told Lam that I'd consider anesthesia only if the baby or I were near death. For me, sleep is when a man could do anything he wants with you and you have no power. I have never fallen asleep naturally. From age 18, I have taken a sleeping pill or lain awake. So I locked my eyes with Larry's and had a perfect, natural delivery.

Jennifer was our miracle baby. But when she turned 5, I began to have these uncontrollable fits of sobbing. I'd tell Larry, "I don't love her anymore." It would take 10 years for me to understand that in Jennifer I was seeing myself as a 5-year-old.

Around that time I also started having attacks of paralysis. My body functions would slow, my pulse rate would drop into the 40s, and I would just lie there unable to move. I thought I'd die. But the doctors could find nothing physically wrong with me. After seeing a psychiatrist, I decided I had to talk to my father.

When I went to him at his house, I started by saying that it was the most difficult thing I had ever done. He said, "Just a minute," and climbed the winding staircase, two steps at a time to the second floor. I didn't hear a toilet flush or a phone call being made, and when he came back, I knew instinctively that he had a gun. He had always kept them around the house. I talked for almost 20 minutes, and my father didn't deny anything. He said, "If I had known what this would do to you, I never would have done it." I didn't believe it then, and I don't believe it now.

After our conversation, he pulled out the gun. He said, "If you had come in any other way [which I took to mean public exposure], I would have killed myself." I believe if he had used the gun, he would have killed us both. From that day on, we never spoke of it again. The month before he died, he knew my life was beginning to shut down, but he never reached out to help me.

It wasn't until Jennifer entered puberty that I became totally dysfunctional. It was 1984. I was 47 years old and had just been named Outstanding Woman Speaker in America by Meeting Planners International. But I couldn't proceed with my career; I was suffering from acute anxiety.

Larry thought if Gwen were to fly to Denver and talk about her violation, maybe I would go into a rage at my father and begin to heal. Gwen told me her story in vivid detail. I cried for her. The anguish was as fresh as if it had been the previous day.

Three days later I went to a psychiatrist. Ten days after that my mother called. She said, "We haven't seen you." I said that I wasn't doing very well and that I had gone to a psychiatrist. I knew that my father had heard me because he always listened in on the extension. That night he suffered a fatal heart attack. I felt it was my fault. I had told.

Up until this time I had kept my secret from Jennifer, but I knew that I couldn't lock her out anymore. After I told her, I took her in my arms to cradle her. Then all of a sudden she was rocking me and crying for me.

Over the past seven years, from 1984 up until last month, I spent many hours a week in various kinds of therapy. I remember the first time I allowed myself to imagine the night child. She was manacled in an outhouse, lying in urine and feces. Recently, I saw her again. This time she had no mouth. I realized then I was not only afraid of what would come out of that mouth but also what would go into it. As part of the healing process, I spoke with each member of my family, including my mother. At first, she didn't believe me, and it was only after my sister Gwen said, "me too," that my mother acknowledged the truth. These past years have been an agonizing journey for us. It was profoundly significant to me that she agreed to support me and that the Van Derbur family gave $240,000 to start the Adult Incest Survivors Program at the Kempe Center.

Although none of my sisters could be there, 17 other members of my family stood together that night when I acknowledged the humiliation, and the world didn't fall apart. My goal now is to make the word incest speakable and to take away the stigma we attach to it. We have to figure out how to stop these violators and how to help their families heal. I want to say to them, "Look at my family. We are free of shame."

Contributors:
Vickie Bane.

A Star Cries Incest

By Roseanne Arnold

In a Stunning Public Statement, TV's Top-Rated Comedienne Claims She Was Sexually Abused as a Child

From singing the national anthem off-key to mud-wrestling with her husband, Tom Arnold, in a Vanity Fair photo spread, TV's most outspoken comedienne, Roseanne Arnold—who recently dropped her maiden name, Barr—has seldom lacked for attention or controversy. But whatever the result of her antics, her intent was always to be funny. That changed dramatically just days ago when she stood before an audience of 1,000 at Montview Boulevard Presbyterian Church in Denver and made a claim that was as shocking as it was serious: "My name is Roseanne, "she said, "and I am an incest survivor."

The invitation-only gathering had been organized by Survivors United Network and was composed of adult incest survivors and therapists. They had no idea who the evening's guest speaker would be. During her 30-minute speech, Roseanne, 38, said she had been sexually abused during her childhood in Salt Lake City but had suppressed the memories until a triggering incident nearly two years ago caused them to come flooding back. She said she had since undergone extensive therapy. Inspired by former Miss America Marilyn Van Derbur Atler, an incest survivor who told of the experience in PEOPLE earlier this year, Roseanne decided to tell her own story as a way of letting other incest victims throughout the country know that they were not alone. Arnold, who trembled visibly as she read her prepared text, was interrupted more than 20 times by applause.

It was an astonishing evening and an astonishing story—one that is sure to be scrutinized in the weeks to come. Reached at their home in Salt Lake City, Roseanne's parents, Helen and Jerome Barr, declined to discuss their daughter's allegations and referred a PEOPLE reporter to their lawyer, Melvin Belli, of San Francisco. His clients, says Belli's assistant Kevin McLean, are "denying all the allegations against them. We will have a response to every allegation Mrs. Arnold is making," he adds. Roseanne's brother, Ben Barr, visited at the Utah AIDS Foundation, of which he is executive director, said "No comment' when asked about Roseanne's accusations. Despite repeated attempts by PEOPLE, Roseanne's sisters, Stephanie and Geraldine, could not be reached for comment.

At home in Los Angeles the day after her Denver speech, Roseanne Arnold gave the following account of her experiences to correspondent Vickie Bane.

KEEPING THE SECRET OF INCEST HAS taken all my energy and courage for 38 years. For most of my life, voices in my head must have been telling me, "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up and take it. There's nothing you can do, take it, forget it. At least you have a place to live and food on the table. You're crazy. You deserve it."

It's a secret I didn't even know I had until two years ago. About that time, my husband, Tom, then my fiancé, went into a drug-rehab center. The third night he was there, he called me and told me about an incident that happened to him as a child. It was a story of horrible and painful abuse in which he had been sexually molested by his baby-sitter. Immediately after hanging up, I began to shake and sweat. Pictures started to appear before my eyes—surreal and frightening, looming large, then crystallizing into my mother's face. I remember being abused. I started to scream and cry, and I called one of my sisters. I got into my car and drove to the hospital where Tom was. I told Tom and a therapist what I had remembered. I cried and cried until I was dry.

I had made sure Tom had gotten help when he needed it, and as soon as he got out of the hospital, he took over my life. I was in such bad shape, I couldn't sleep or think or function. I was still in a huge place of denial.

I had just reread the hook I wrote in 1989, My Life as a Woman, and I knew that I had totally sanitized it to protect my family. I began to have dreams about having been molested. At first I would shrug them off, but they happened so often, it became harder and harder to ignore. I would wake up screaming, and Tom would write down what I said so that I wouldn't forget it, because for a long time I couldn't focus. I wouldn't drive, because I had the urge to drive off cliffs, into other cars, kill myself. I didn't know how to feel trust, intimacy, have sex that wasn't degrading, say no to my children, be assertive. Tom began to sort through the mess of my life. He called the therapist, Arlene Drake, and drove me to see her. He sat outside, and afterward he helped me walk to the car. I knew this was the place I would get well, but I was also scared, because I knew I would have to go through with it. Slowly, with the help of individual and group therapy, I began to remember. Even more slowly, I began to believe myself.

This is the truth I unraveled: My mother abused me from the time I was an infant until I was 6 or 7 years old. She did lots of lurid things. She hurt me psychologically and physically.

I remember being 2 years old and standing in my crib. I remember my mother holding a pillow over my face, pushing me down. I remember thinking, 'Lie still, play dead.' I did, and then Mother took the pillow away and said, "I must have hurt you honey. I was just playing."

As soon I was able to start talking, my mother went from physical abuse to a more emotional and mental abuse. I remember when I was about 5 or 6 that I came home from school and my mother was lying on the kitchen floor with blood covering her neck and chest. I screamed and screamed for two or three minutes. Then she sat up and said, "It's ketchup, you idiot," and laughed. She always played horrendous mind games with me all through my life.

My father molested me until I left home at age 17. He constantly put his hands all over me. He forced me to sit on his lap, to cuddle with him, to play with his penis in the bathtub. He did grotesque and disgusting things: He used to chase me with his excrement and try to put it on my head. He'd lie on the floor playing with himself. It was the most disgusting thing you can ever imagine.

We were not allowed to lock the bathroom door. Dad would come in while I was showering and fling back the curtain and look at me. So I took baths. That way I could bend my knees up around my chest and fold in while he stood there taking pictures of me with his new movie camera. As a preteen and teenager, I had to place a towel over the doorknob so Daddy couldn't peek through the keyhole. I had to make sure the heating vent connecting the bathroom to Daddy's bedroom was closed so he couldn't look at me.

At age 17, following an auto accident in which I suffered a trauma to my head, I was sent to the Utah State Hospital for eight months. I was afraid to get close to anyone. I was afraid of losing control and saying bad things. I thought I was an eccentric, a writer, an artist. But the hospital was the most desirable place I ever was in Utah. During my eight months there, I started to heal.

Even so, I clung to my fantasy of our happy, quirky family, a bit off-kilter, but colorful, all-American, Jewish. In my fantasy my mother was kooky but cool. My father, an ex—football player, had trouble emoting but was a big, fluffy, harmless guy. The family would go to parties and tell outrageous stories. We'd tell them as jokes, and everyone would laugh and say we were so bizarre.

After I appeared on The Tonight Show in 1985, my career started rolling, but I was still blind to everything. I had people surrounding me who were abusive to me, who lied to me, made deals behind my back. The worse I was treated, the more loyal I was.

My three kids were totally screwed up at the time. There were no rules. They would miss 30 or 40 days of school a year. They did what they wanted, and I let them because I hadn't trusted adults and I didn't think they should either.

My family has always worried about what I might say. When I got the book deal in 1988, my mom immediately wanted to know what I was going to write about. I told her it was about my life. She said, "Don't humiliate us," and she cried and cried. I didn't understand it then. I thought she meant the craziness of the family, the fact that I was raised in two different religions, Jewish on weekends, Mormon on weekdays. I thought she was being a typical Jewish mother.

Only in the last two years have I realized the consequences of keeping our secret. I have lived the majority of my life in a flesh prison that I was always trying to blow up, break out of, whittle away. I tortured my body, smoking five packs of cigarettes a day and indulging in drug, alcohol and food abuse that had me weighing either 100 lbs. or 200 lbs. I was scratching and tearing at my body—mutilating myself. It was as if punishing my body would turn me into an angel of some sort, an angel that could transcend my own body—a body I hated because it was the holder of the truth, the secret.

The fact is, I didn't have a secret, the secret had me. I was trapped in a fantasy—that my family will love me, will be whole, will allow me to heal, will be safe, will stop lying, will stop blaming crazy old Roseanne.

Tom helped me break out of the trap. Something was so different about Tom. I didn't know why, but he became my best friend right from the start when I met him almost 10 years ago. Tom says I tested him and tested him, telling him things about myself and then taking them back, saying it was all a joke. We were married in January 1990.

Last year Tom, the kids and I all started therapy together. We went every day and every night. Individual counseling for each of the kids, family therapy, my therapy, Tom's therapy, marriage counseling. We learned to be parents. Unraveling the "happy family" fantasy is the hardest thing I've ever done.

The kids are doing really well now. Jessica, 16, is a brilliant writer; Jennifer, 15, is a talented artist; Jake, 13, is in college prep and loves making funny little comedy films. They're good kids too. They only missed two days of school last year, and they're all in gifted and talented classes. And they've been very proud of me telling my story of incest.

Now Tom and I want to have children of our own. In November I'm going in for an operation to reverse having my tubes cut.

Incest and child abuse thrive in darkness, in secrecy. One of the great taboos about incest is talking about it, dealing with it and healing from it. I believe the more voices we hear, the braver we become. I want to enter my voice into the mix. I want to be one more person who speaks out and up about incest, to give it a name. With a name and a visible form, we can treat it, contain it, destroy it.

This was the summer that I let go of the fantasy that things would get better. I was sick of the lie. I was ready. I did an interview in San Diego where I said that I had suffered sexual, physical and emotional abuse. After that interview, a home in San Diego for sexually abused children contacted us and asked us to come meet them. So Tom and I went down and met these little kids, incest survivors.

A couple of the kids, especially one little girl, touched me really deep. She said she was so glad that any celebrity cared about them. She reminded me of all the little girls and little boys who have to live with that horrible experience. She reminded me of me. What would it have been like if anybody ever said, "Hey, how are you?" Nobody in our lives ever said, "How are you?" It is very important to me that kids and other survivors know that somebody like me has gone through it too.

Contributors:
Vickie Bane,
Heidi J. LaFleche.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Kanye West - Flashing Lights Live

But what do I know?

Shakira's Gnostic Feminism

In the coming months Shakira will release the music video for her current single "She Wolf".

The clip above is a 20 second preview of the music video. In the clip we see Shakira caged and wearing a leotard. The song will be featured on her upcoming album Loba. The title of the album was inspired by a 1965 Mexican horror film about a female werewolf titled La Loba. In a recent interview Shakira explained the themes featured on the album.

"Loba has been the reflection of my own individual freedom,as a 32 year old woman that feels it has the right to defend her desires. Loba is also a man of that kind and also the gays, is the human being who has its right to defend what it wants." - Shakira

This explanation reminds me of Shakira's previous album Oral Fixation.

In explaining the title and cover art for Oral Fixation Shakira revealed that "Vol. 2 is more of a Jungian sort of thing, since the reference is to a universal archetype of Eve (Adam and Eve) and the original sin. I think that is something that is really subconsciously in our minds. On the cover of Vol. 2 I wanted to add another reason for Eve to bite the forbidden fruit - that would be her oral fixation."

Jungian psychology places an emphasis on exploring the psyche through dreams, art, mythology, religion, and philosophy. His ideas include the concept of psychological archetypes. For the cover of Oral Fixation Shakira uses the Adam and Eve scenario and the forbidden fruit as an archetype.

Shakira positioning herself in the role of Eve and a werewolf and changing the perception of these archetypes from wrong doers to icons of freedom of expression raises question about Shakira and her agenda.

Shakira's interpretation of Eve's story is more along the lines of the Gnostic philosophy than it is with the traditional Christian version of the story (yes, I am aware that Gnosticism predates Christianity and I'm not choosing sides here). While Christians believe that it was a sin for Eve to eat the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, Gnostics believe that the serpent took Adam and Eve out of the tyrannical constraints of an overbearing God they refer to as the demiurge. Gnostics often refer to God as Godhead which basically means God is not a separate entity to them but rather a spiritual ascension to be obtained through self. The debate over which version came first is far too complicated for me to address in this little blog but it's worth exploring on your own time.

Shakira's biggest hit from Oral Fixation was "Hips Don't Lie" featuring Wyclef Jean. The music video for "Hips Don't Lie" features many of the themes that I've already been exploring on this blog.

First of all the song it self has the theme of dancing which is becoming so obvious. Clearly these songs are not just about dancing. Why would Shakira use symbolism so heavy on the cover of her album if the songs were simply about dropping it like it's hot in the club? Also there is the theme of duality heightened by the presence of the male, Wyclef, and the female, Shakira. This is yet another example of the fusion of male and feminine energy. Notice the use of the word "perfection" which I will get into with Shakira's song "Pure Intuition".

"Why the CIA wanna watch us?"

They sing "no fighting" as Shakira balances out the energy at the end.

Reminds me of this...

No fighting...

Another song and video worth noting is "Pure Intuition".

Let us be wrong and let's begin
A mistake that turns into perfection
I want to see you sliding in
my underworld

This time I plan to let you win
I'll be a victim of my own invention
Let us be wrong and let's begin
Once and for all

What heaven weaves and braids
no man shall undo
I've been custom-made for no one but you
You know it's now or never

I have a feeling inside
( Despacio, despacio, comienzas a caer )
And intuition's always been a woman's guide
( Te siento, te siento, desde antes de nacer )
We've been wanting each other since before we were born
( Adentro, adentro te vas quedando )
And I will love you even after I am gone
(Asi, estoy dispuesta a todo amor)

This time I plan to let you win
I'll be here in false/full subordination
I'll be devoted to your will
Once and for all

Love is only pain disguised as a kiss
So make me feel it now
Let's get on with this
and the sooner the better

I have a feeling inside
( Despacio, despacio, comienzas a caer )
And intuition's always been a woman's guide
( Te siento, te siento, desde antes de nacer )
We've been wanting each other since before we were born
( Adentro, adentro te vas quedando )
And I will love you even after I am gone
(Asi, estoy dispuesta a todo amor)

I have a feeling inside
( Despacio, despacio, comienzas a caer )
And intuition's always been a woman's guide
( Te siento, te siento, desde antes de nacer )
We've been wanting each other since before we were born
( Adentro, adentro te vas quedando )
And I will love you even after I am gone
after I am gone...

Shakira's subversive deconstruction of Christianity sheds light on her role in what many consider to be Illuminati organizations. First of all Shakira is a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador. Shakira was also honored at a United Nations ceremony. Besides that Shakira has performed at Live Earth and is involved with Clinton Global Initiative. The stated mission of rhe CGI is to "strengthen the capacity of people throughout the world to meet the challenges of global interdependence." So basically he is preparing people for the NWO.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

A Sirius Spell

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Magic Mirrors Part 3 : Future Lovers Ride

In Magic Mirrors Part 2 : The Muse(ic), I left off with the music video and performances of "Sorry" by Madonna. In my exploration I discovered a reoccurring theme throughout the media representation of this song. In the final performance there seemed to be one story told three times in three different ways.

The performance begins with a music video being played on the screen located on the stage. The music video features Madonna, in a purple leotard, reciting a spoken word representation of her song "Sorry" while images of disasters and various world leaders flash across the screen. On stage two dancers, one male and one female, appear and start fighting. The third element of the performance is created when the viewer ponders what the connection between the video and performance is.

My conclusions was that the dancers on stage are the metaphysical representation of the images on the screen. There are too many dictators and authority (male energy) and not enough female energy and that is throwing off the balance of the world and creating disaster and turmoil. This theory is heightened when a blinking George Bush appears as the female dancer is knocked to the ground by the male dancer at 3:03.

As I've stated before, when describing Kundalini energy, male energy is usually linked with the color red while feminine energy is linked with blue. Red and blue combined are purple. This concept of the fusion of male and female energy is not synonymous with Kundalini. Many cultures and philosiphies describe this as the key to enlightenment.

One example of this is the Egyptian symbol Ankh. While it's meaning is disputed by scholars, people in Egypt tell tourist that the symbol is a representation of the unified male and female sexual organs and the children of the union.

Prince has used the following symbol for most of his legendary career.

Prince's symbol was inspired by the Ankh symbol with slight changes so it too represents the fusion between the masculine and feminine. Prince's image is also a fusion of masculinity and femininity and his color of choice has always been purple (Holiday on the Moon).

So what does all of this have to do with Madonna? Well, in 2005 she opened the MTV Europe awards with "Hung Up".

The performance began with a disco/mirror ball which changed from red to blue continuously until it lifted revealing Madonna underneath dressed in purple.

While exploring the themes found in the work of Madonna I found parallels in the work of another popular female music star who, like Madonna, is considered to be the queen of her zenre of music.

Mary J. Blige rose to the top of the Hip-Hop and R&B world in the 90's. Like Madonna, her image changed at the beginning of this decade. Madonna went from a sexually provocative image to a spiritually motivated humanitarian and mother while Mary J. Blige went from a abused drug addict to a drama free married woman. That's not where the parallels end though.

The same year Madonna released "Hung Up", Mary released "Be Without You". Like "Hung Up", the music video features it's star in front of a mirror for the majority of the video.

Here is Mary in front of a window in her apartment. As you can see the window creates a reflection.

Throughout most of the video Mary is either shown singing in front of the window with her refection or this mirror.

This scene reminds me of the Jacksons video from Part 1 with this Egyptian rebirth pose.

Like Madonna in "Hung Up" Mary is waiting for a call.

Most of the video is in black and white besides the scenes where Terrence Howard is with her.

Click here to view the video.

Like Madonna's "Sorry" Mary followed this video up with a song about kicking a man to the curb.

Click here to view "Enough Cryin" (by the way, check out the animal prints and mirrors when Mary's alter ego Brooklyn appears)

The following year Mary released a greatest his album titled Reflections (A Retrospective). The first single from that compilation was "We Ride (I See The Future). The title is interesting considering magic mirrors are used to see the future as I explained in Part 1.

The video begins with various shots of skyscrapers. I'm aware that these buildings create a reflection since I work in downtown San Jose and see them daily.

As we can see Mary is dressed in blue.

The male character, played by her real life husband, is in red.

They ride their motor cycles up a mountain. This concept reminds me of the Goldfrapp album Felt Mountain, the idea of a mountain representing spiritual ascention.

As they reach the top of the mountain they are illuminated by the sun.

Click here to view the video.

Now let's take a look at the lyrics :

[Intro] Just can't help it I love my hun All that I need And all that I want Said I Just can't help it I love my hun All that I need And all that I want [1st Verse:] Everybody asking "Why Mary ain't mad no more?" It seems Like a question That I've already answered Like too many Times before Now ladies If you got a man And he treat You real good Ain't you gon' flex Every chance That you get Now ain't you gonna Love him Just like you should Especially when you Never thought You would Yeah Oh you know That I'm All into the feeling And I never Look to lose it Oh for sho' This is consistent With you I find a rhythm [Hook:] From the day To the night We ride We ride We ride Hey How you Like it How you Like it I see The future baby You and I Better with time And it is What it is And I Just can't help it And I felt What I felt No I just can't help it I see the future, baby Me and you That's how we do [2nd Verse:] I got a song In my heart That's all That I need I sing it Acapella I sing it To the beat What we are Is classic You know it Because your Attitude shows it Now fellas If you got a girl And she treats You right Ain't you gonna spend Every dollar, every cent Eh Ain't you gonna make sure She stay fly Especially when She's reppin' You for life [Hook:] From the day To the night We ride We ride We ride Hey Now how you Like it How you Like it now I see The future baby You and I Better with time And it is What it is And I Just can't help it And I felt What I felt And you know I just can't help it I see the future, baby Me and you That's how we do [Bridge:] You are mine I told you before I wouldn't lie I need you And more Gotta stay With you I am safe With you Let me Repeat it In case you forgot Love is a mountain And we're At the top Yeah Breath and strength Cause I see The future in your eyes [Hook:] From the day To the night We ride We ride We ride How you Like it How you Like it, baby I see The future baby You and I Better with time And it is What it is And I Just can't help it And I felt What I felt And you know I just can't help it I see the future, baby Me and you That's how we do From the day To the night We ride We ride We ride Now how you Like it How you Like it Yeah, yeah, yeah I see The future baby You and I Better with time And it is What it is And I Just can't help it And I felt What I felt And you know I just can't help it I see the future, baby Me and you That's how we do [Outro:] Just can't help it I love my hun (And we ride) All that I need And all that I want Said I Just can't help it I love my hun (And we ride) All that I need And all that I want From the day 'Till the night We ride We ride

The lyrics bare a striking similarity to "Future Lovers" by Madonna. Check out these lyrics:

I'm gonna tell you about love Let's forget your life Forget your problems Administration, bills, and loans Come with me In the evidence of its brilliance (4x) Spoken: In the demonstration of this evidence Some have called it religion This is not a coincidence Would you like to try? Connect to the sky Future lovers ride Their ambitions high Would you like to try? Let me be your guide Put aside your pride Future lovers hide love inside their eyes In the evidence of its brilliance (4x) Not controlled by time Future lovers shine for eternity In a world that's free Put away your past Love will never last If you're holding on to a dream that's gone I'm gonna tell you about love Would you like to try? In the evidence of its brilliance (4x) There's no love like the future love Come with me Connect to the sky Future lovers ride there in mission style Would you like to try? Connect to the sky Future lovers ride Their ambitions high Would you like to try? (In the evidence of its brilliance) (repeat) Connect to the sky Future lovers ride Their ambitions high Would you like to try? Brilliance… (4x) In the evidence of its brilliance
Similar themes of the future, riding, lovers, and spirituality. Is it all a coincidence?

To be continued...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Beyonce's Shattered Dream

"I'm going out of my head..."

The video for Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams" is finally out. As expected, there's major MK symbolism involved.

The video begins with Beyonce dreaming. She then begins to levitate with a dove flying above her. This scene reminds me of ChekSewdah's analysis of Maxwell's "Pretty Wings" video. I wish I could post his/her analysis here but for some reason it's no longer on their Youtube account; anyone know why?

Beyonce inbetween one of her dancers who has a double. The duality theme has begun.

Beyonce herself is then shown with a double as she descends deeper and deeper into her sweet dream.

Next both of her dancers are shown with doubles as they stand in mannequin poses (remember mannequins appeared in Beyonce's Diva video and are often used as MK symbolism).

There was also this scene where it switches from three Beyonce's to Beyonce and her mirrored dancer. Could Beyonce's dancers represent two of her alters? This is her fouth video featuring her and two female dancers.

Beyonce and her dancers perform in a hypnotizing spiral later on in the video.

Multiple Beyonce's in front of a mirror.

Beyonce then shatters the mirror. Anyone who knows a little about the MK symbolism knows that shattered glass and/or mirrors represent the shattered mind.

Her robotic alter, Sasha Fierce, is born out of the shattered glass.

While we're on the subject of Beyonce, I recently ran across the making of the "Crazy In Love" music video and found a few interesting things.

First of all the video is directed by Jake Nava. Jake Nava is also set to direct Shakira's new video which, as you can see by my recent entries, I expect to be highly symbolic. Pretty much all of his videos have been symbolic. I'm sure you guys have seen Orange Moon's analysis of "Crazy In Love", if not click on her link in my Truth Seekers section. Besides that, he directed Britney's Stepford/MK video "If U Seek Amy" and the Spice Girls' Occult video for "Holler" which was the subject of my first blog entry.

Also right at the beginning of Part 2 Beyonce says "I think he wants to do like a fashion shoot..." and she clearly has no idea what she's going to do until the director gives her orders. That's why it's always weird to me when people want to vilify the celebrities when most of them have no clue.

Also at 1:56 on Part 2 you'll see the director reveal the mannequin theme. It's interesting that she had this theme going on way back in 2003. the mannequins and the car that explodes were picked up again in the "Diva" music video. There is a very ritualistic way in which they do things.

If He Only Had A Brain

This story is most likely tabloid bullshit, I'm only posting it because of the connection.

http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Editorial/090622/Michael_Jackson_Retrospective/MichaelJackson_wiz5.jpg

Michael Jackson to be buried without his brain

Michael Jackson will be buried without his brain today after doctors retained it following an autopsy to help determine the cause of death.

The King of Pop will be saluted in grand fashion at the Staples Centre memorial ceremony, and reportedly laid to rest at Los Angeles's Forest Lawn cemetery. However, the LA coroner's office has still not completed its tests on Jackson's brain, and the singer's family have been advised that unless they wish to wait, he must be buried without it.

Jackson died from an apparent cardiac arrest on 25 June. Though his body was released the next day to relatives, his brain was not. The pop star's inert brain must "harden" for at least two weeks before doctors can conduct their neuropathology tests.

Doctors will examine Jackson's brain to help determine the cause of death, suspected of being linked to painkillers. Such examinations can also reveal unknown diseases, evidence of alcohol abuse or whether Jackson has suffered overdoses in the past.

Removing the brain is the "only way to carry out the tests" according to a source for the Mirror. "The tissue has to be examined. I can't tell you how long that is going to take."

Jackson's funeral will begin with a closed-casket family service, followed by a Staples Centre memorial for more than 11,000 fans.

Britney wearing the Star of David necklace again?

Make up your mind, Brit-Brit.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Magic Mirrors Part 2 : The Muse(ic)

In Magic Mirrors Part 1 I explored the themes of magic mirrors, disassociation (and/or dance), and dimensional traveling through Madonna's "Hung Up" music video. In Part 2 I will expand on those themes using Madonna's follow up music videos and performances for the songs "Sorry" and "Future Lovers". I will also include another music queen to show how different icons represent the same thing to different audiences.

The follow up single to "Hung Up" was "Sorry". In an interview the songs producer, Stuart Price, revealed that the production of the song was inspired by "Can You Feel It?" by the Jackson 5. He also revealed that "Can You Feel It?" is one of Madonna's favorite songs. A little known fact is that "Can You Feel It?" is sampled in Madonna's iconic song "Material Girl". Let's take a look at the lyrics to "Can You Feel It?".

Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it?

If you look around
The whole world is coming together now
Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it
Feel it in the air, the wind is taking it everywhere
Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it

All the colors of the world should be
Lovin' each other wholeheartedly
Yes, it's all right
Take my message to your brother and tell him twice
Spread the word and try to teach the man
Who's hating his brother, when hate won't do
When we're all the same, 'cause the
Blood inside me is inside you

Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it
Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it

Sing out loud
Because we want to make a crowd
Touch a hand and sing a sound so pure, salvation rings

Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it
Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it

All the children of the world
Should be
Loving each other wholeheartedly
Yes, it's all right
Take my message to your brother and tell him twice
Take the news to the marching men
Who are killing their brothers, when death won't do
'Cause we're all the same
Yes, the blood inside me is inside of you

Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it
Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it

Every breath you take
Is someone's death in another place
Every healthy smile
Is hunger and strife to another child
But the stars do shine
In promising salvation, is near this time
Can you feel it now
So brothers and sisters
Show we know how
Now tell me

Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it
Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it

All the children of the world
Should be
Loving each other wholeheartedly
Yes, it's all right
Take my message to your brother and tell him twice
Take the news to the marching men
Who are killing their brothers, when death won't do
'Cause we're all the same
Yes, the blood inside me is inside of you

Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it
Can you feel it, can you feel it, can you feel it

The lyrics seem to be about Michael's usual message of coming together and making the world a better place.

A short film was made for the song but it was never shown on air. A shorter version was shown in it's place.

Can You Feel It Short Film:

Pretty much throughout the video the Jackson's are spreading glitter on the world below to inspire people.

This scene is interesting because it reminds me of the Egyptian death pose. Could this scene symbolize rebirth?

In this scene a bridge is lit up with rainbow colors which reminds me of this. Bridges represent transition; they take you from one side to the next. Bridges fit in perfectly with the rebirth theme.

Here is a shot of the ecliptic sun.

The ring of fire which is symbolic of the ring of knowledge. Many rituals are performed inside of a ring of fire.

An older Indian man approaches (look at his necklace) and he seems to be pleased with what is going on. Could he possibly be a Shaman? If he is, that adds an interesting element to the video. Shamanism is often associated with sa which means "to know". So there are a lot of references to gnosis (knowledge) and rebirth in this video. Death gives birth to life.

From Wikipedia:

There are many variations of shamanism throughout the world; and several common beliefs are shared by all forms of shamanism. Common beliefs identified by Eliade (1964)^[3] are the following:

Spirits exist and they play important roles both in individual lives and in human society.
The shaman can communicate with the spirit world.
Spirits can be good or evil.
The shaman can treat sickness caused by evil spirits.
The shaman can employ trance inducing techniques to incite visionary ecstasy and go on "vision quests."
The shaman's spirit can leave the body to enter the supernatural world to search for answers.
The shaman evokes animal images as spirit guides, omens, and message-bearers.
The shaman can tell the future, scry, throw bones/runes, and perform other varied forms of divination

Shamanism is based on the premise that the visible world is pervaded by invisible forces or spirits which affect the lives of the living.^[7] Shamanism requires individualized knowledge and special abilities and operate outside established religions. Many shamans operate alone, although some take on an apprentice. Shamans can gather into associations, as Indian tantric practitioners have done.

Now isn't that right on target with the themes I've been exploring for the past month?

This young boy caught my attention. Is it me or does he look like a young Michael Jackson?

The young boy and the Shaman give each other a look as if they both know a secret and then join hands.

The community of people then look into the sky and see a Peacock. The peacock is yet another symbol of spiritual knowledge.

As most of you probably know, most logos have symbolic Occult and/or spiritual implications such as CBS with their eye logo. NBC was no different with their Peacock logo.

http://www.adornmentsfortarts.com/uploads/BookAlbumPictures/Goldfrapp_Supernature.jpg

Here's Goldfrapp using the Peacock symbolism for the cover of their third album Supernature (interesting title).

Now that we've looked at the themes associated with the song that inspired Madonna's "Sorry", let's look at the film that inspired the music video.

The music video for the song "Sorry" was inspired by the 1970's rollerdisco musical Xanadu starring Olivia Newton-John. The title of the film Xanadu was inspired by the poem "Kubla Khan, or A Vision in a Dream. A Fragment". Keep in mind that the ending of the "Hung Up" video revealed that Madonna was dreaming and/or disassociated or astral traveling the entire video. Also remember that Shamans have the ability to go on "vision quests" (it's interesting that Madonna's first film was titled Vision Quest).

To add more weight onto this the poems author, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, claimed that the poem was inspired by an opium-induced dream. Many have speculated that the imagery of the poem stems from a waking hallucination, a lucid dream.

http://i.stream.cz/video_flash/7227/147227.jpg

Madonna explored lucid dreams in the music video for "Bedtime Story" and of course I started the magic mirrors series with the "Bedtime Story" remix video.

Xanadu's Plot

Sonny Malone (Michael Beck) is a talented artist who dreams of fame beyond his job, which is the uncreative task of painting larger versions of album covers for record-store window advertisements. As the film opens, Sonny is broke and on the verge of giving up his dream. Having quit his day job to try to make a living as a freelance artist, but having failed to make any money at it, Sonny returns to his old job at AirFlo Records. After some humorous run-ins with his imperious boss and nemesis Simpson, he resumes painting record covers.

At work, Sonny is told to paint an album cover for a group called The Nine Sisters. The cover features a beautiful woman passing in front of an art deco auditorium (the Pan-Pacific Auditorium). This same woman collided with him earlier that day, kissed him, then roller-skated away, and Malone becomes obsessed with finding her. He finds her at the same (but now abandoned) auditorium as shown on the album cover. She identifies herself as Kira (Olivia Newton-John), but will tell him nothing else about herself. Unbeknownst to Sonny, Kira is one of nine mysterious and beautiful women who literally sprang to life from a local mural near the beach in town.

Sonny befriends a has-been big band orchestra leader-turned-construction mogul named Danny McGuire (Gene Kelly). Danny lost his muse in the 1940s; Sonny has not yet found his muse. Kira encourages the two men to form a partnership and open a nightclub at the old auditorium from the album cover. She falls in love with Sonny, and this presents a problem because she is actually an Olympian Muse (she is Terpsichore, the muse of dance). The other eight women from the beginning of the movie are her sisters and fellow goddesses, the Muses, and the mural is actually a portal of sorts and their point of entry to Earth.

Danny and Sonny envision converting the abandoned Auditorium into a vibrant new club.

As it turns out, the Muses visit Earth often to help inspire others to pursue their dreams and desires. But in Kira's case, she had broken the rules, as she was only meant to inspire Sonny, but ended up falling in love with him as well. Her parents (presumably the Greek gods Zeus and Mnemosyne) recall her to the timeless realm of the gods. Sonny follows through the mural and professes his love for her.

A short debate between Sonny and Zeus occurs with Mnemosyne interceding on Kira and Sonny's behalf. Kira then enters the discussion, saying that the emotions toward Sonny that she has experienced are new to her and asks if they could only have one more night together to let Sonny's dream of Xanadu becoming a success come true. But Zeus ultimately sends Sonny back to Earth. After Kira expresses her own feelings for Sonny in the song Suspended In Time, Zeus and Mnemosyne decide to let Kira go to him for a "moment, or maybe forever" (mortal time confuses them) and the audience is left to wonder her fate.

In the finale of the movie, Kira and the Muses perform for a packed house for Xanadu's grand opening, and after Kira's final song they return to the realm of the gods in spectacular fashion. Sonny is understandably depressed thereafter, but that quickly changes when Danny has one of the waitresses bring Sonny a drink. The waitress is an exact lookalike of Kira. Sonny approaches this enigmatic doppelgänger and says he would just like to talk to her. The film ends with the two of them talking, in silhouette, as the credits begin to roll.

A couple of things caught my attention with the plot of this film. First of all, Olivia Newton-John's character acts as a muse. As we established in Part 1, Madonna was a muse in the video for "Hung Up". Also there's mention of a "timeless realm of the Gods" which fits in with the repetive time references in a lot of Madonna's recent work.

Finally, let's look at the music video for "Sorry".

Throughout this video there seems to be a "battle of the sexes". Both the men and the women try to have dominence over each other leading up to the battle in the cage towards the end of the video. At the end of the video they finally get into the van together and leave the radio behind.

During the Confessions tour Madonna premiered the music video above which was a video interlude of a remix for the song "Sorry". The video features a lot of images of destruction going on in the world. Could Madonna have subliminally been commenting on how the world is unbalanced all along with the Confessions album? Let me explain. Everything in this world is energy. Clearly, for most of this decade our world has been unbalanced. There has been an abundance of male energy (power, authority) and an intential supression of female energy (mothering, caring).

While this video interlude is playing, two dancers, one male and one female, perform on stage. They battle each other and the male dancer eventually over powers the female dancer and knocks her to the ground. Could Madonna's video be a visual representation of how spritually the energy of this world has been off balance this decade? Is art imitating life?

To be continued...

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it" - Aristotle